


ugly christmas sweaters and old girlfriends.

by orphan_account



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cheating, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Original Character(s), Pining, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27558985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: God, she looked even beautiful than he remembered. Her curly raven hair was pulled into a ponytail, giving him a perfect view of her angular face. Her almond brown eyes shone brightly as she looked at him, her lips, round and lathered in gloss were pulled upward in a smile.—OR, in where Connor runs into Robin and old feelings re-emerge.
Relationships: Ava Bekker/Connor Rhodes (Chicago Med), Robin Charles & Connor Rhodes, Robin Charles/Connor Rhodes (Chicago Med)
Kudos: 8





	ugly christmas sweaters and old girlfriends.

**Author's Note:**

> i hated ava and i hated that they didn’t give connor/robin the happy ending that they deserved! i was robbed!

“What do you think about these?” Ava accents, untangling her arm from within his so that she could saunter over to the clothes rack, picking up the matching fuzzy green Christmas sweaters that she’d spotted on their way inside of the department store. 

She smiles, widely, jovially as she holds the smaller sweater up against her chest giving him a view of it. Connor chuckled wryly, scratching a hand against the bristly hair on his beard as he attempted to refrain from showing his disdain at the horrendous looking sweaters. 

They were made with the most uncomfortable looking fabric material. There was a big Santa Klaus riding on his sleigh in the middle of the sweater, red candy canes were weirdly placed all over the sleeves and hem. He knows that it’s _supposed_ to be funny, after all they were going to an ugly Christmas sweater party that the hospital hosts every year but Connor’s mirthful Christmas spirit was currently nonexistent in comparison to Ava’s. 

The holidays were always troubling for him. They served as a remembrance of his awful childhood that was filled with nothing but pain and false memories. The Rhodes’ family halted all of their joyous holiday celebrations after the macabre death of his mother. The pain and memories were too much to bear. 

As a result, Connor ceased in over extravagantly celebrating holidays like he previously did. Now, as an adult he usually brought a small tree to perch atop of his coffee table, watched reruns of Home Alone and downed cups of alcohol spiked eggnog.

That tradition was interjected by Robin, however when they began dating. She was a Christmas fanatic, always excited to decorate and singing Christmas songs as she put up the tree. He was surprised to know this as he assumed that she would’ve been a holiday grinch like himself being as though her family was small and tainted like his.   
  
But no, Robin reveled in the holidays. She’s the one who dragged him to the Med’s Christmas parties every year much to his avail. He always conceded in agreement because one, he loved her and knew how much she enjoyed this time of the year, and two, because he got a kick out of seeing April dress her and Choi up in matching sweaters. (Now, he was the one in the situation and he loathed it completely.) 

Connor only briefly tolerated the holidays solely because of Robin. But now she’s gone and it doesn’t harbor that same amount of vim celebrating it with someone other than her. 

He was usually a blunt, upfront person. His opinions were always truthfully stated no matter the offense or the outcome. That’s just the kind of person that he was. But for some reason unbeknownst to him, Connor couldn’t find it in himself to reveal the truth about not wanting to attend the party or celebrate this year.   
  
Maybe it’s because he’s trying so hard to make this thing with Ava work regardless of his emotions. They’ve been getting into more arguments as of late, mostly of her making redundant accusations about his feelings for her and her claiming that he’s still hung up on Robin. He denied those claims of course even though he wasn’t entirely sure it was true. 

He was trying _so_ hard to make this relationship with Ava work. They were similar in so many ways; hardworking, determined. But Connor always found himself comparing her to Robin. (He knows that’s a shitty thing to do, okay?) whether it be the way that she laughed; hers was more shrilly and rancorous while Robin’s was more of a giggling timbre. Or whether it was the way that they kissed; with Robin’s full, succulent lips it was easier for Connor to slot his insistent mouth over hers in a ravenous vigor, feeling the soft plushness of her lips against his, tugging and nipping at her lower lip. Ava was a good kisser but their kisses didn’t share that same spark.

Connor hates himself for the comparison of his relationship with the two women because he knows it’s not right or fair. They were two different people of course their relationship would differ. It’s just things with Ava were substantially different and honestly, Connor wasn’t sure how to deal with it. 

She was a good person, a great doctor but as a girlfriend she was jealous and accusatory, two things Connor hated. 

He tried to make it work despite the differences and difficulties, because as he said she was a good person. And primarily because he felt guilt about her being jealous of his relationship with Robin. 

“I-uh,” He tilted his head as he heeded attentively at the sweaters again. “They’re-”

Ava rolls her eyes, playfully. “They’re supposed to be ugly. That’s the whole concept of the party, remember?” She states, picking up both of the sweaters and tucking them underneath her armpit before beginning to search on the clothes rack again, this time looking for matching jeans.   
  
Connor nods, rubbing a hand against the back of his neck. “Right about that...” His momentary pause of trepidation causes Ava to flick a perplexed glance at him. Her eyebrows raise expectantly as she waited. 

“I know you’re...excited about the party because it’s your first year here with us at Gaffney, but I was thinking that we could just stay home instead y’know? Watch movies, drink.” 

Ava’s countenance shifts drastically, a despondent look creases the features of her face. “You don’t want to go to the party?” 

Connor half-shrugs. “Honestly? No.” 

She stares at him blankly for a while before the realization finally registers within her. She nods, placing the sweaters back onto their respective places on the clothes rack. 

“Fine.” Is all she mutters before she brushes past him, making her way towards the exit of the store.

Connor, acknowledging his fault in upsetting her, exhales a deep sigh as he jogs up and catches her forearm, halting her gait mid-stride. He steps closer to her so that he could talk to her in a lowered, hush tone. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to go with you-” He attempted to explain, but Ava’s haste with her rebuttals and accusations catching him completely off guard. 

“Really? Because that’s what it seems like to me. You’re the one that suggested we go in the first place and now you’re suddenly backing out?” She avers in abhorrence, her arms folding across her chest as she narrows a glare at him.   
  
This was true. He did initially offer the suggestion of their attendance, but that was only because he knew that she would find out about the party anyway and had he not told her about it, she would’ve gotten upset with him. 

Truthfully he was still apprehensive about going but he didn’t want to argue with her about it anymore especially not in a public place. 

“You’re right. I-I was just hoping that we could’ve spent some alone time instead but if you still want to go we can.” 

Ava’s face softened upon hearing this. “Are you sure? I mean we can spend time alone when we get back. We can run a nice bath, grab a bottle of wine, some candles...” She whispers, a smirk tugging upward on her lips as she unfolds her arms in favor of running her hands up his taunt muscled chest. 

She stands on the tip of her feet, wrapping her arms around his neck as her lips teases a brush against his. 

“We can even have a little Christmas sex if you’re up to it.” 

Connor managed to crack a half smile before nodding his head in agreement. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

—

He tugged on the itchy collars of the sweater, murmuring annoyances under his breath as he walked hand in hand with Ava into the hospital. The hymn of Christmas music playing over speakers followed by the erratic conversations of the party goers ricocheted throughout the room. The saccharine smell of baked goods and cinnamon filled in the air. 

The ED was decorated in a mix of red and green lights, a Christmas tree was perched in the corner, several boxes were laid underneath. Everyone’s hand was occupied by a drink settled in it, the fruit punch Connor presumes as the bowl of it was nearly empty upon their arrival.   
  
His eyes glanced around noticing everyone’s appearances. Just like instructed, everyone appeared to have pulled out the ugliest sweaters that they could find in their wardrobe.

The sight of it was horrendous to the eye but Connor found himself smiling at the thought of everyone coming together for this celebration. Even Sam, the emotionally repressed Neurosurgeon with the callus attitude was sporting his own ugly sweater and laughing with colleagues as he sipped on his drink. 

Connor’s eyes narrowed in on Ethan and April, who arrived at the party minutes after them. Their matching sweaters were yellow, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer was embedded in the center, red writing of ‘Ho-Ho-Holiday cheer’ was weaved onto the fabric. Their pants; khaki’s, Ethan’s looking a few inches too small as they rose at the ankles. They were sporting long, red and white socks that were easily displayed. 

Elf hats rested atop of their heads. 

“I think we know who’s winning the competition this year.” He ripostes, chuckling a bit as he greeted Ethan with a half hug and April with a two arm hug.

Ethan nodded as a smile waned his lips. “The things I let her talk me into doing.” He jokes, shaking his head. 

April playfully smacked him against the shoulder. “Don’t let him fool you. The hats and matching socks were _his_ idea.” She reveals, causing Ethan to groan in chagrin. They conserved for a brief moment before they sauntered off to greet everyone else. 

“See, babe? I told you coming tonight would be fun!” Ava whispers in his ear, harboring a fruity flavored drink in her hands. He could smell the alcohol brimming on her lips. She wasn’t drunk yet but he knew that he had to limit her for the night because drunk Ava is _a_ _lot_ to handle. 

“Yep. I’m having a great time.” It wasn’t a total lie. He did actually enjoy seeing his colleagues and everyone else enjoying themselves. They endure so much trauma and pain everyday, it’s nice seeing everyone so free tonight. 

“I’m gonna go over to the refreshments table. Do you want anything?” He asked her to which she shook her head in response. 

He trotted off to the other side of the room near the refreshment table and the displayed spread of baked sugary treats. He wasn’t big on sweets as he tried to maintain a healthy diet but the cookies smelled too good not to try. Grabbing a napkin, he picks up one of the cookies and bites into it. 

The immediate taste of chocolate and sugar dances on his taste buds. 

“Connor Rhodes munching down on chocolate chip cookies? You wouldn’t even touch the snicker-doodles I made for your birthday last year and here you are nearly scarfing down the whole tray of cookies.” A voice behind him teasingly jokes. Not a voice. _Her_ voice. It was unmistakable, instantaneously recognizable. The same one that whispered ‘ _I love you’s_ ’ for three years, the same one that cried out to him in need whenever she was going through one of her episodes. 

Swallowing the cookie that he was chewing, Connor turns around to see Robin standing behind him. A soft, half smile is worn on her face. He feels his breath catching in his throat at the sight of her. His heartbeat is posthaste, nearly thrashing against his chest. 

_God_ , she looked even beautiful than he remembered. Her curly raven hair was pulled into a ponytail, giving him a perfect view of her angular face. Her almond brown eyes shone brightly as she looked at him, her lips, round and lathered in gloss were pulled upward in a smile. 

She was wearing a sweater as well, Santa Klaus wearing Reindeer boxers while smoking a candy cane. The sight of it was strange and pulled him out of his reverie, causing him to tilt a head at it.

Robin upon noticing his expression, looked down at her shirt in acknowledgment and smiled. “Found it at one of those thrift stores. Thought it was funny. I know it doesn’t go with the whole ugly sweater theme but..” She shrugged. 

“N-No, no. It looks good. I think it’s funny too.” He assures her, inwardly chiding himself for stuttering in front of her. 

He _never_ got this nervous or tongue tied in front of Robin before. Even before they started dating, he was quit witted and suave in their flirtatious banter. Seeing her now after nearly a year apart made him nervous.

“Thanks.” Connor followed Robin’s gaze as she looked around the room. “I missed everyone here. Dad invited me down to spend the holidays with him and I couldn’t resist.” So that’s what she’s doing back here. 

Clearing his throat, Connor spoke: “So how’s uh everything back home going?” His sudden inquiry caused Robin’s attention to avert back on him. His stomach did somersaults when she looked at him. 

“Its fine. I got my old job back. Everyone was excited to see me again and it was nice y’know being with them again and being closer to my mom.” She explained and Connor didn’t miss the way she was practically glowing at the mention of her hometown. 

“I guess going back home was a good thing for you then.” The comment wasn’t meant to sound snarky or offensive in anyway. He knows that she left to better herself and to be with her mom again. Being in Chicago and struggling with her illness began to be too much for Robin so she left. 

He understands that. He can never fault her for doing what was best for her. But the pain of her leaving without even saying goodbye to him was still fresh. 

Maybe he could’ve tried to convince her to stay like she told her father that he would’ve done, but at least he would’ve gotten one last time to see her instead of having to read her words of regret. After her egress, he struggled to move on. 

He loved her so much and to have her suddenly not there anymore was a hard reality for him to grasp. 

Robin’s smile dissipated and a sullen frown marred her lips. 

“Connor-”

He shakes his head, smiling faintly. “No, it’s fine. I’m serious, Robin. You look good and you seem like you’re doing better. That’s all I wanted for you.”   
  
Of course he didn’t tell her the truth about how he felt. He didn’t want her to feel guilty about doing what was right for her. 

Robin parted her mouth open to speak, but it snapped shut and her eyes slightly widened. Connor turned around to see what caught her attention: it was Ava walking up to them, her eyes flicking back and forth between them. 

Ava rested her hand on Connor’s forearm as she snuggled up next to him. She smiled as she looked over at Robin. 

“Robin! We didn’t know that you were back in town.” Connor closed his eyes and inwardly cursed under his breath. This was the last situation he wanted to be in right now.

Robin nodded as she gestured her chin towards Connor. “Yeah. I was just telling Connor that I’m spending the holidays with my dad. He loves this party so he asked me to come along.”

Ava’s grip on his arm tightened slightly when she stumbled. Connor reached a hand out to steady her. “Are you okay?” He asked her. 

Ava scoffed playfully, brushing him off. “Fine. So, Robin that’s an...interesting sweater you have on. I’m assuming your father’s wearing the same one?” 

“Are you kidding me? My dad would never. He’s wearing a regular sweater. He dragged me here and didn’t even follow the rules.” 

“Very well.” Ava sighed deeply as she looked around the room. She gasped and pointed to the other side, “They have a place to go take couple’s photos. We should do it!” 

Connor was tempted to deny. He wasn’t really a fan of pictures nor did he want any remembrance of being dressed in this ugly sweater, but he knew that this was important to Ava so he conceded in agreement. 

“Sure. Just one though.” 

“Mhm. One..or two...or three.” She laughed, tugging his arm and pulling him off in the other direction, not even giving him a chance to say goodbye to Robin. She waved at him as he was being hauled off. He gestured a wave back before being pulled into the small booth with Ava. 

—

He stood gathered around with Ava, Will, Natalie and Maggie. They were all talking about some new movie that they were planning on them seeing as a group but he occult their conversation midway as he looked around the room searching for Robin. 

He hasn’t seen her since he was pulled into the photo booth with Ava. He worries that she’d abruptly left. 

He chews on his bottom lip in contemplation, debating to walk up to Dr. Charles and ask if he had seen his daughter anywhere. Eventually he gave in, stating that he would be right back, earning a worried look from Ava. 

Dr. Charles and Ms. Goodwin were sipping lightly on their eggnog when Connor approached. He cleared his throat, apologizing for the intrusion of their conversation. 

“Sorry, uh, Dr. Charles, I was just wondering if you’d seen Robin anywhere. I haven’t seen her for almost twenty minutes. She didn’t leave by chance did she?”

He hoped not there was still so much that he wanted to say to her, so much unresolved issues and emotions that needed to be addressed. 

The skin between Dr. Charles’ eyebrows crinkled as he furrowed them slightly. His glasses slipped down, perching just on the ample bump of his nose.

“Not to my knowledge. She told me that she was going up to the roof for some fresh air about fifteen minutes ago.” He informed the younger man to which Connor sighed in relief. 

“Thank you.” He said before making his way to the back of the hospital where the stairs led to the rooftop. 

Just as Dr. Charles stated, Robin was on the roof standing there looking out into the Chicago nighttime scenery. Connor’s footsteps are stealth, not too soft to startle her and not too loud so that she knows he’s approaching. She must’ve sensed it was him because she moved over slightly to the right. 

“Minnesota doesn’t look like this at night.” She said aloud, still keeping her attention forward. “It’s loud and busy, but it’s not this.” 

He stands beside her, staring straight ahead too. They were standing so close to each other that he could smell the citrusy fragrance of her perfume. The same scent that she always wore when they were dating. Connor spent so many times burying his face in the crook of her neck, nearly drowning in the smell of it, of her.   
  
They stand in silence for a moment, thoughts circling around both of their brains, each wanting to say something but being too stuck to get the words out.

Eventually, Robin speaks up first.   
  
“I’m surprised you’re here tonight. I thought you hated Christmas parties.” 

Connor nodded, chuckling softly. “I do but Ava-” He bites back his tongue in regret. Clearing his throat he begins again. “I figured it was better than staying at home. I wouldn’t have gotten to see Ethan and April’s sweaters had I not come.” I wouldn’t have seen you either. 

“They’re so adorable.” Robin smiles, looking over at him. He feels her gaze smothering him. He peels his eyes away from the scenery and looked to meet her gaze.   
  
She raises a brow, almost as if she’s waiting for him to say something. When he doesn’t look like he’s taking an initiative she speaks up again.   
  
“Sorry for not keeping in touch after I left. Things were hectic and I just needed time for myself to figure everything out.”   
  
“Robin, you don’t need to apologize for that. You did what was best for you.” Connor assures her adamantly, turning around so that he’s fully facing her.

He could get lost looking into her eyes like this. Being so close to her now all these feelings started to re-emerge. He didn’t know what to think. 

Robin nods and attempts to wan a smile but it falls weakly from her lips, jutting downward in a frown. She shakes her head and groans as she buries her face in her hands. 

She removes her hands from her face, pointing a thumb over her shoulder. “I-I’m gonna go back inside. I’ll catch up with you later.” She quickly says, farewelling her goodbye to him before turning around and walking back to the door. 

Connor stands there stuck and completely dumbfounded. “W-Wait! Robin!” He calls after her, running ahead just enough so that he interjects her path to the door. 

It’s cold outside and he could see little puffs of his breath every time he exhaled deeply. Cold shivers are running through his body, seeping through the flimsy material of the sweater. He doesn’t care though. The only thing he cares about right now is her. 

“The thing with Ava, she’s not-I mean we _are_ but-”

Robin holds a hand up in the air, interrupting him mid-sentence. “It’s okay. You look happy with her and that’s all that matters to me. I left and you moved on. I don’t blame you. You deserve to be happy more than anyone else that I know and if she makes you happy then I’m happy. Honest.”

The words are sincere but truthfully it did pain her to see that he’d moved on with the blonde surgeon. She always speculated that Ava harbored feelings for Connor, the way she would bicker with him was like a girl with a crush on a guy who didn’t know how to tell him so she teased him as a way to flirt. 

Robin knew that Connor never acted upon anything while they were together.   
  
But it did come as a surprise to see them together. They were polar opposites. She didn’t seem like his type whatsoever. Truthfully, Robin did come because of her father but a part of her had hoped that she would run into him tonight. She never thought he would be with another woman. Let alone _Ava_.

Robin meant what she said though. Connor has endured so much in his life, from his mother’s death, his tainted relationship with his father and sister, the death of his mentor, was a lot for anyone to handle. Then having to attend to her care while she was fresh out of the hospital and having to work long hours doing surgery was a lot for him to bear as well.   
  
Robin knew that eventually it would start to take a toll on him. So she decided to leave and figure herself out so that he wouldn’t have the responsibility of being her caretaker anymore. 

She was afraid to call him; afraid that he would be upset with her for leaving without saying goodbye. So she didn’t. She contemplated on calling on many occasions though. 

Seeing him tonight brought up so many good memories that they previously shared. Part of her wonders what their life would’ve been like had she not left. It would’ve been her making him take silly photos and them wearing the couples matching sweaters.

It was too late though. 

He was with Ava.   
  
“Have a good night, Connor.” She said softly before turning around to make her exit again. Connor stepped in her pathway yet again, blocking her from the door. 

“I love you.” The three words easily rolled off of his tongue just as it always had when it came to her. The feelings he felt for her were so much that it nearly consumed him at times. He didn’t know that he was capable of love someone so damn much but he did. He loved Robin. 

The words caught her off guard, while she knew that he loved her she was confused as to why he was suddenly saying this.

“What I mean is I’m still in love with you. Like right now. Honestly, I never stopped. Not after you left. Not when you didn’t call. Not when you didn’t even tell me goodbye. I was upset but I never stopped loving you, Robin.” He confessed, the words just began spewing out nonstop revealing his truth.

He wanted her to know how he feels, how _she_ makes him feel.   
  
“You’re the only person that makes me feel this way. I don’t-I’ve tried loving Ava the same way that I loved you but it was damn near impossible. You’re the only person that I want to be with Robin Charles. And I know that-that my timing sucks and that we’re living in different states but I love you and I don’t care how far apart we are. You could live on Jupiter and I would still love and want to be with you.” 

Robin shook her head in disbelief, astonished by this reveal. She didn’t know what to say.

“Are you saying that you want to be with me again?”

“You’re the only person I want to be with.” Connor declared before walking up to her and cupping her face within his hand. She shivers at the coldness of his palm but continued to rub her face against it, trying to gouge some semblance of warmth. He wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her forward.  
  
Hours forehead drops, resting against hers. Their breathing is soft as they look into each other’s eyes.

“I love you, Robin Charles.” He leans down slightly, brushing his cold lips against hers. He almost pulls away when she whimpers at the harshness but she grabs ahold of his neck and pulls him back in for a deep, savoring kiss. 

The taste of peppermint is passed back and forth between them as it’s fresh on Robin’s lips. His insistent mouth is pampering against hers, heeding it with delicate but vigorous kisses.   
  
Her tongue slots slyly over his lower lip, parting it open for better access. Connor widens his mouth, ravishing in the taste of her.

They part after a while to catch their breaths. His thumb traces along her ample cheek bone. 

“We shouldn’t have done that while you’re still in a relationship with Ava.” Robin acknowledges.   
  
“I know but I couldn’t help it. I missed your lips and the way you tasted.” He whispers, thumb brushing over her lip. His mouth tingles, desperate to feel her mouth against his again. 

He leaned down preparing to kiss her again but Robin turned her head rejecting it.   
  
“Break up with her. Then come find me.” She smirks, standing on the tip of her feet to peck a kiss against his cheek before turning around to walk away. 

Connor follows in tow behind her, searching for Ava. 

**Author's Note:**

> if you’re reading this and feel bad for ava getting cheated on know that she’s a murderer and she was a bitch. :)


End file.
